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Dean Martin

If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt.

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You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

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I once shook hands with Pat Boone and my whole right side sobered up.

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There's a statue of Jimmy Stewart in the Hollywood Wax Museum, and the statue talks better than he does.

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I've got seven kids. The three words you hear most around my house are 'hello,' 'goodbye,' and 'I'm pregnant'.

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I feel sorry for people who don't drink. They wake up in the morning and that's the best they're going to feel all day.

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I'd hate to be a teetotaler. Imagine getting up in the morning and knowing that's as good as you're going to feel all day.

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