Have you noticed that whatever sport you're trying to learn, some earnest person is always telling you to keep your knees bent?

quote by Dave Barry
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Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games in Chicago in January, only more intelligent.

quote by Dave Barry
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The Internet is the most important single development in the history of human communication since the invention of call waiting.

quote by Dave Barry
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The major parties could conduct live human sacrifices on their podiums during prime time, and I doubt that anybody would notice.

quote by Dave Barry
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Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.

quote by Dave Barry
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The world is full of strange phenomena that cannot be explained by the laws of logic or science. Dennis Rodman is only one example.

quote by Dave Barry
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I believe that we parents must encourage our children to become educated, so they can get into a good college that we cannot afford.

quote by Dave Barry
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It always rains on tents. Rainstorms will travel thousands of miles, against prevailing winds for the opportunity to rain on a tent.

quote by Dave Barry
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Your modern teenager is not about to listen to advice from an old person, defined as a person who remembers when there was no Velcro.

quote by Dave Barry
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American consumers have no problem with carcinogens, but they will not purchase any product, including floor wax, that has fat in it.

quote by Dave Barry
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