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Crystal Tutson

His Pain My Gain

pain and sorrow
human borrow

guilt and shame
a beginner's game

love and lust
a sinner's must

turmoil and hate
a flaccid state

his pain my gain
my savior’s name

weak and distraught
yet i'm bought

with a shameful price
blood shed from Christ

[...] Read more

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Pain

Pain—sharpen but yet dull and painless.
So numb to the pain given to my body that instead of rejecting it, my heart automatically accepts the pain.
Like medicine to the soul, pain seems to be my healer.
Pain seems to bring together life and death.
Pain seems to soothe the soul because without Pain I would be weak: timid: short: and unfulfilled.
You see pain is needed to make a person stronger.
Pain is needed to make a person un-afraid of hurt.
Pain is needed to make a person stand up, be proud and walk tall because they are more certain of the future.
Pain is needed to make one feel more fulfilled.
All because of these feelings my heart becomes full but it brings me back to the root cause: PAIN.
This 4 letter word causes hearts to be crushed relentlessly. It dishevels emotions once grounded and bruises egos. Pain.
Pain. My painkiller.
Pain. My happy endings.
Pain. My way out.
Pain. My life.

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My Mother and Her Drug

Im in her shoes but I still dont understand
how she chose to neglect us for a drug made by man.
It had a stronghold on her that she just couldn't let go.
She thought she could control it but little did she know.
This drug tore apart a family in no time;
took people out while they were yet in their prime.
Had my mother sell herself for a momentary high
and let this man take the innocence of her daughter; too early to say goodbye.
How could you do this to us without the least bit of care?
At moments like my graduation, I needed you there.
You neglected me, so why shouldn't I abandon you?
But yet I'm stuck to you closely like Elmer's glue.
Even though my childhood was filled with ruthlessness and pain
love from my heart I give, I can't restrain.
God places us in challenging stages;
thanks to God I'm able to quickly turn the pages.
And even though this drug tried to destroy our being,
we are the better and victory is our's over this thing!

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