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Chuck Audette

Queens over Aces

With women, he hears
a gambler's call
and wishes, sincere
to 'bed it all'

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'On this stone we mourn his loss.
He's at peace beneath this moss.
and don't be worried
because he's buried
six down and three across'

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If for an ale I yearn
think to watch your drink and don't turn
or with your beer I'll abscond
and it'll soon be beyond
the pint of no return!

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'Erin Go Braugh' I attest
is the Gaelic phrase that's known best;
But I swear it is better
how she's wearing that sweater
as Erin go bra-less.

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Descartes, in a bar, did hear
'Last call, you want a last beer? '
But when put on the spot
he quipped 'I think...not'
and POOF, he just disappeared!

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Our manners are in a decline
drivers thought rude all the time
But the truth was revealed
for on my windshield:
a nice note that said 'Parking Fine'

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The Irish were brave with no fear
'Let's take over the world! ' was their cheer
but that was prevented
when someone invented
a thing that we now know as 'beer'!

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I was driving to work the day shift
when some guy asks 'Give me a lift? '
I said, 'Sure, I'll try...
You're a smart, handsome guy! '
Now why in the world was he miffed?

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Haircut Payback

My wife cuts my hair
my hippie days are done
the kitty below my chair
thinks the severed locks are fun

she's a stupid one alright
as my hair upon her falls
does she think she is
the belle of this hair ball?

I smile at a thought
and resist on yelling SCAT
after all, it isn't often
that I
...shed on the cat

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Unfortunate Dog Names

John knows that his dog's name
is just a wee bit silly
but he giggles just the same
when he says 'Please pet my Willy'

Sue's got a dog named 'Karma'
and when it mis-behaves
she says it's just 'Bad Karma'
(but good karma on other days?)

Then there's the dog of our new neighbor
we can't help but laugh a lot
whenever she opens her door
and hollers... 'Come Spot! '

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