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Bill Bryson

I come from Des Moines. Somebody had to.

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He had the sort of face that makes you realize God does have a sense of humor.

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My first rule of consumerism is never to buy anything you can't make your children carry.

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More than 300 million people in the world speak English and the rest, it sometimes seems, try to.

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There are only three things that can kill a farmer: lightning, rolling over in a tractor, and old age.

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When you tell an Iowan a joke, you can see a kind of race going on between his brain and his expression.

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The remarkable position in which we find ourselves is that we don't actually know what we actually know.

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The whole of the global economy is based on supplying the cravings of two per cent of the world's population.

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Boston's freeway system is insane. It was clearly designed by a person who had spent his childhood crashing toy trains.

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I have long known that it is part of God's plan for me to spend a little time with each of the most stupid people on earth.

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