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Benny Hill

Do unto others, then run.

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Never play leapfrog with a unicorn.

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That's what show business is, sincere insincerity.

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Girls are like pianos. When they're not upright, they're grand.

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I'm not against half naked girls - not as often as I'd like to be.

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Those hot pants of hers were so damned tight, I could hardly breathe.

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Just because nobody complains doesn't mean all parachutes are perfect.

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The odds against there being a bomb on a plane are a million to one, and against two bombs a million times a million to one. Next time you fly, cut the odds and take a bomb.

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I thought I couldn't afford to take her out and smoke as well. So I gave up cigarettes. Then I took her out and one day I looked at her and thought: ""Oh well,"" and I went back to smoking again, and that was better.

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Benny Hill
Benny Hill