By the time I am Howard's age I hope to be long retired. I don't plan on working that long.

quote by Artie Lange
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A weekend in Vegas without gambling and drinking is just like being a born-again Christian.

quote by Artie Lange
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Have you ever Googled yourself? I did, most depressing thing ever. People have websites hoping I die at 38.

quote by Artie Lange
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Of course in show business there are two ways to play it and I am not politically correct so I am not going to get endorsements or anything like that.

quote by Artie Lange
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And now it looks like I'm probably going to shoot a movie that I wrote. I got the money to do it, and I would star and all, because of being on Howard.

quote by Artie Lange
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It is funny because the guy who is my boss now, Howard Stern, has a similarity there. He got big being a regular guy. He wasn't the greatest looking guy in the world.

quote by Artie Lange
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When I got on Stern I realized that this was the one job where you could be really honest and open, almost like Richard Pryor or something. You can be honest about your life and get laughs.

quote by Artie Lange
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The regular guy still relates to him and Howard is a $500 million guy now who dates a model and drives about in a limo all day. But Howard still knows how to make a plumber laugh and those guys still have him on in the morning, because he is a real talent.

quote by Artie Lange
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