When you came
You came.
And you hurt me.
And you abused me.
You raped me.
You came
You laughed at me
You made me do things
I didnt want to do.
You came
You made me feel.
What shit was like.
How hurt feels.
What pain feels like.
You came
And you opened my eyes.
To a world of pain
A world of hurt.
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poem by Amy Louise Kerswell
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A life you'll never know
This is one life you'll never know.
The life of rape and abuse.
The life of a victim.
The life of feeling alone.
The life of being scared.
I was raped and abused.
It was alife I didn't ask for.
And one I wish I never knew.
But this life has stuck to me like glue.
I never wanted that life but I got it.
I now live the aftermath.
Flashbacks are a daily occurance.
Hearing and seeing things.
You helped to make me selfharm.
You made me suicidal.
I hate you.
This is the life you'll never know.
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poem by Amy Louise Kerswell
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Goodbye world
Anger and misery is all I ever seem to bring.
Hatred and anger is what I seem to be making.
Acceptance and understanding was all I wanted.
But acceptance and understanding was never granted.
I wish I knew what I did to deserve all this.
Rape abuse hatred and pain is all I've ever really known.
I never ever wanted any of this.
I never really did seem to fit anywhere in life.
And one thing is for sure I've never belonged.
All I am is someone that nobody wants stuck with.
No one will shed a tear when I'm gone.
That I can belive with out a doubt.
When I am gone.
Every one will be in a moment of gladness.
They will be in a moment of happiness and joy.
All becuase they are rid of the loser that is me.
I'm not sad Im not crying.
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poem by Amy Louise Kerswell
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The tragic words
I hated the words I was hearing.
But I had to be told.
My beloved grandad was dying.
Cancer was about to take his life.
I didnt want to listen To the words.
I knew That his life would soon end.
I hated this cruel way of life.
I dispised realaity it cut like a knife.
He lived nine months too short.
He left a life time of love.
I didnt get chance to goodbye.
That was probaly just aswell.
I never could of said good bye.
I hate cancer it proved to be fatal.
It took away something good.
I hated the words I was hearing.
I didnt want to hear the truth.
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poem by Amy Louise Kerswell
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Today is the day
Today is the day I've waited for
I can't wait no more.
I just cannot stay.
So today is the day.
The die that I die
For tonight I'll take my life
I'll probably use a knife
To end my life.
I cannot stand
For I guess a good life was to much to demand
I cann't Handle pressure and pain.
For I am sure to go insane.
Im already mad.
All I no is bad.
For I can't stay sane
And Now all I see is red
Things will get better once I am dead
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poem by Amy Louise Kerswell
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For mum.
Last night when I just couldn't sleep,
My Duaghter's voice I did hear so loud and clear
I opened my eyes and had a glance around,
But she did not appear she didn't show herself to me.
She said: Please mum You've got to listen.
You've got to try and understand;
God Hasn't taken me from you,
He only took my hand.
When I cried out in pain that fatful night,
It was in that instant that I did die.
He reached down and took my hand,
And brought me to his side.
He pulled me up and saved my ragged soul,
From the misery and pain.
My body was hurt so badly inside
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poem by Amy Louise Kerswell
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Suicide note
I'm sorry but I have to go now.
I refuse to live a life of bollocks.
I aint gonna live in pain.
Bollocks to those who think I should live.
I was born to be used.
I was born to be a tourtured soul.
I was born to be abused and attacked.
I was born for others pleasure.
I didn't dare to speak.
Only told three times.
Didn't ever dare to grass.
They said they get me otherwise.
Pressure has built over the years.
Eating away at me.
Not letting me be free.
Not giving me an escape route.
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poem by Amy Louise Kerswell
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Through my shattered eyes
I hear the deathly silence.
I can just but taste the tears.
The echos of blame and guilt.
Will huant my years.
As it feels my soul.
I know the shame.
I no the fear and pain.
I hear my clothes tear as he rips.
I see them fall to the floor.
I feel his hot yucky breath.
As he pins me down.
I feel the stabing pain as he rapes me.
I feel his vile touch.
Upon my pure naked skin.
As I try to push him off.
But still he enters in.
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poem by Amy Louise Kerswell
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Voices in my headSHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP! ! !
SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP! ! !
Voices are every where in my head.
They follow me everywhere, like the black cloud that rains.
The voices in my head constantly scratch at my brain.
With in the mist of the rain.
But the living gets painful and harder every single day.
I feel ashamed to admit that i don't want to live,
I don't know how much more i can take or give.
While the voices makes me emotionally sick.
The hold they have on me is so tight and thick,
Voices of bastards who hurt me.
The asswholes that abused me.
The depression they left in my life.
As the voices I try to fight.
I battle in the day i battle in the night
I try and compose myself, let them belive that i'm fine
But happiness is non-existant in this world of mine
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poem by Amy Louise Kerswell
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One final letter
This my final letter.
A letter of the end.
A letter that says goodbye.
A letter with answers.
Im sorry, relly i am.
Dont be mad or sad.
I couldnt cope with it.
Couldnt live life.
I had to get off the bumpy ride.
My life was over long ago.
Abused attacked used and raped.
Evil laughter all around me.
A sound that never goes.
Theres your answer
If you really care.
Let me go now
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poem by Amy Louise Kerswell
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