The Dating/ Mating Game
Mary Delgado, what a bee-atch,
She’d thought that the proposed bachelor was rich,
The Bachelor is a reality television series based Hollywood fantasy,
In fact it is a total fallacy,
Based on false assumptions, and expectations,
The former Tampa Bay Buccaneer cheerleader won a battle with the Bass fisherman,
But eventually lost the war to the Seminole Police,
She was intoxicated and full of frustrations.
A Final Rose was given to her by Byron Velvick in 2004,
They were living together as husband and wife,
But a phone could not found under either name,
According to authorities, there was more
-for both were confused with their life,
They were planning to wed in 2007,
But they are running out of time,
But there is always next season,
For all those Harlequin romancers to watch,
A love story that is made in heaven,
gag me, if you please,
I hope that series will not run,
[...] Read more
poem by Joe Rosochacki
Added by Poetry Lover
Comment! | Vote! | Copy!
Leapin' Lizards or How to Get the Most Out Your Geico (so easy a caveman can do it)
Hans Kurt Kubus,58, had a 'thing' for lizards.
This German knows his insurance policies,
- and he is no Neanderthal man who likes gizzards.
Kubus, No, not the video game cubis, attached 44 lizards to his body,
He attempted to smuggle them out of New Zealand, Scott free.
Hans had the geckos and skinks within his underwear,
I don't why men put things in there underwear,
I cannot believe they don't care.
Hans did not attempt to light his britches on fire.
As the Muslim terrorist tried to do as he and others flew to Detroit,
The situation was, at the time, dire.
But Hans was caught, he was not as smart as a caveman,
A caveman in New Zealend.
Hans was arrested and sentenced to two weeks in prison and fined $3,450
-before he was deported back to Germany.
Hans Kurt Kubus might try an asp or viper next time around,
-he will probably take pass.
Hans Kurt Kubus is not as smart as New Zealand caveman, -he is a real dumb a$$.
1-31-10
poem by Joe Rosochacki
Added by Poetry Lover
Comment! | Vote! | Copy!
Chambers (Funeral Home and Crematorium) House of Horrors
Forty body bags thrown atop with each other
Labeled for cremation
Among them were women, men, children, fathers, mothers, sister and brothers
To be burnt to ash, that was their destination,
All rested inside a garage
Bodies decomposing
Their bodies leaked fluids through the bag
I guess they were not Zip-Lock bags
The funeral home had a contract with Georgetown Medical School,
William Chambers said that things were in disarray
What a frickin' fool!
His brother Tom denied any culpability
For this unsanitary, immoral, and most likely illegal fray.
Some of the bag tags were unidentifiable
Due to the immense leakage from the inside
The smell must've been grotesquely foul
Yet the Chambers Brothers did something wrong, you ask?
They flatly denied.
The mortuary license the Chambers had had been suspended last Friday
They have to cremate the bodies that they have in their possession
[...] Read more
poem by Joe Rosochacki
Added by Poetry Lover
Comment! | Vote! | Copy!
Acid Reflux Anyone
Larissa Schuster, she was the cause of her husband’s acid reflux,
In fact she had husband refluxed all over his body,
Her attitude for him did not come clean,
- that’s why she gave him an acid bath.
'So what’s to you, there nothing wrong with that',
she would have said,
'hydrochloric acid to be exact'.
Larissa Schuster was biochemist that used her balance of pH’s for murder.
She had to get rid of him,
she loathed him,
and she thought she would be free,
When her husband met the end.
Hydrochloric Acid is the same acid that we have in our stomachs,
But all the TUMS in the world could not have saved him.
Kind of gruesome,
to some,
- but not to her.
She will spend her life prison at taxpayer’s expense,
[...] Read more
poem by Joe Rosochacki
Added by Poetry Lover
Comment! | Vote! | Copy!
Go Green, Soylent Green
It’s matter of fact that earth is going green,
From major corporations to the fluorescent household light bulb,
To the way of life that is to be seen,
After death going green is already in progress for funeral parlors in the UK,
And that is a hit,
- it’s the rage,
Cardboard coffins, clothes sewn from natural fibers, a burial plot in a natural setting.
Green funerals attempt to be eco-friendly at every stage.
It makes a terrific do-it-yourself project,
To have one built from designer cardboard,
-sewn paper bags I would reject,
On ones pocket book that should be breather,
'The trouble is, they are a bit ungainly to use, ' said Oakfield Wood burial ground director Oliver Peacock. 'They're not terribly easy to handle and if it's wet, they don't look their best either.'
Better than being forced to give up one’s life,
To be made into some kind of multi-biochemical compound,
To make the survivors at ease with their strife,
[...] Read more
poem by Joe Rosochacki
Added by Poetry Lover
Comment! | Vote! | Copy!
Hang Down Your Head Kelly Tilghman
This time tomorrow
Reckon where I'll be
Down in some lonesome valley
Hangin' from a white oak tree (The Kingston Trio)
Kelly thought she was being cute,
Kelly thought she had made a funny,
Golf Central would not fire her,
As she is a woman,
Not being Rush, Imus, Jimmy the Greek Snyder,
They were men.
She is of course blonde, so is Caitlin Upton,
Maybe that explains the fact,
Golf Central would not fire her.
She stated that the only way the upcoming golfer would defeat Tiger Woods,
If they would beat him up, like Tonya Harding did to Nancy Kerrigan,
Further more they should 'lynch Tiger Woods in a back alley.'
If the KKK would have been paying her I would understand,
But if, not she could have been playing bedroom course,
She could have been playing on the course where there is easy “lay” on the turf,
[...] Read more
poem by Joe Rosochacki
Added by Poetry Lover
Comment! | Vote! | Copy!
Birdie on the Seventh Hole, Shoot like a Pro
John Henry (Tripp) Isenhour III is a real jerk,
He was at the Grand Cypress Golf course,
Where he had been taping a television when there was a sound,
Not a “Fore”,
not car,
not a cow
or a horse,
Tripp was furious,
-no, not Linda Tripp,
he had to silence the source.
It was a red-shouldered hawk got Tripp upset when he had to do another take.
Tripp waited and waited for right shot to silence the squawking bird.
Tripp drove the golf ball 75 yards to the birdie.
The hawk was silent; the golf ball struck its mark,
The blood from the bird’s nostrils did not make the killing fake.
Usually birds are killed with baseballs or M1 Abrams Tanks,
(see Observation Farewell to Feathers) ,
But this was feat that was terrible for the red shouldered hawk,
and later Tripp,
Because the hawk is a protected species.
[...] Read more
poem by Joe Rosochacki
Added by Poetry Lover
Comment! | Vote! | Copy!
Slim Fast DIE(t) Or Jared’s Subway DIE(t)
What is the world getting to?
People have been killed for Scarsdale Diet,
People have died on the operating table during stomach stapling,
People can die after they have gone the bariatric routes
People have underwent liposuction,
People have spent gobs of money on diet books,
Bally’s fees, diet pills to improve their health and looks.
The answer is, not being on The Biggest Loser,
You have to kill someone in Bentonville, Arkansas,
That’s all.
Broderick Lloyd Laswell
(sounds rather Thurston Howellish) ,
Is suing the Department of Corrections for their food that he gets for his meals.
He weighed at one time 413 lbs. now he is down to skeletal 308 lbs.
What is the big deal?
Broderick is in jail for a murder charge,
He is also suing to get hot dishes,
If he gets convicted of first degree murder and his appeals have been expired,
Then he will gladly get the dish,
[...] Read more
poem by Joe Rosochacki
Added by Poetry Lover
Comment! | Vote! | Copy!
Hugs not Slugs
I don’t believe it, a hug,
is the way it’s supposed to be,
The lawyers and politically correct,
- they made a travesty,
For Megan Coulter.
For Middle School of Mascoutah, Illinois,
there no need for public affection,
It may result in detention,
She was giving hugs to her two friends,
She was bidding them farewell for the coming weekend.
Sam McGowen, district superintendent, was not to be rebuffed,
He stated clearly,
“the penalty is fair and that administrators in the school east of St. Louis
were following policy in the student handbook.”
Look,
At what the district is teaching their students.
The handbook states:
“Displays of affection should not occur on the school campus at any time.
It is in poor taste, reflects poor judgment,
and brings discredit to the school and to the persons involved.'
[...] Read more
poem by Joe Rosochacki
Added by Poetry Lover
Comment! | Vote! | Copy!
C'mon Baby Light My Fire
Jeffrey Boyle was a real fireman.
I wish to it clear to you that you would understand;
Jeffrey was a fireman when he off duty being a fireman.
Jeffery, a 25 year-old veteran of Chicago's Fire Department, was an arsonist.
A fireman who starts fires, now that's twist.
Jeffrey was sentenced to six years in prison for starting eight fires.
His pension from the Fire Department had been revoked,
His retirement he planned was not acquired.
Boyle argued that because he set the fires while he was off duty from his job as a firefighter,
-and he did not use department equipment to set them,
-he was legally entitled to receive his $50,000-a-year pension.
But there was more tension,
A judge ruled in his favor.
Judge Leroy Martin said in his ruling,
'There must be a clear and specific connection between the felony committed and the participant's employment. It's unsettling, nay, repugnant that Mr. Boyle should stand poised to collect a pension, but the court is duty bound to apply the law.'
And that was that, that was all.
Am I slow or stupid or what?
[...] Read more
poem by Joe Rosochacki
Added by Poetry Lover
Comment! | Vote! | Copy!