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Lisa French

What a beautiful suicide

What a beautiful suicide
The night skies so dark
The stars shine brightly
Tonight I’ll make a mark

What a beautiful suicide
With a knife next to me
Alone in a room
How good will this be

What a beautiful suicide
I’d already planned
Alone in silence
Nothing could be more grand

What a beautiful suicide
I’ll have to no longer life a life
No hurt or pain
All it takes is a knife

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The same old me

Everyday I wake to the same place
I look in the mirror and see the same face
I do the same routine as I do any other day
Nothing has changed I can easily say

I'm so sick of seeing the same old me everyday
Seeing the same as I did yesterday
I wake to the mirror to see the same person looking back
I wish to be different instead of having to act

I'm stuck in a world in which I have created
In a place where I have made myself feel hated
I've convinced myself that I no longer care
I've started to hate i've started to swear

This is not about me
Cause I love the way I are
But for anyone who doesn't like themselves
You look fine, just like a star

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Pain

I've been through fire i've walked through rain
Nothing i've tried has got rid of this pain
What is it I feel i'm not to sure
It's hard to explain it's hard to ignore

I cannot find what is wrong
All I know it dosn't belong
How to try how to see
How to escape how to be me

I don't even know who I am anymore
Am I happy and cheery or sad and sore
I know my life can seem happy and great
But most of it's not it's all too fake

Whats inside that can cause this much
Sadness, angryness too much to touch
I come to think is life really that good
The hurt the pain not like life should

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Dreams

Into the dreamland slowly I creep
Into the land I vist in my sleep
What lies ahead I can't be sure
Something sweet, something scary, something nice or maybe gore

It turns into a mystery I can't seem to solve
So many things it seems to involve
There seems to be things that arn't really real
Like flying pigs I mean what's the deal?

Dreams can be scary with all different things
With more freaky thoughts these sort of dreams bring
But they can be happy and cheer you up
But then you wake to reality and it's soon not enough

Dreams can hold what we might not know
They can tell us things things they can show
Dreams are our imagination going wild
But arn't we glad some made us smile

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Too much misery

I live a life of misery and hate
I dream of being loved and safe
Hurt. pain, guilt, shame
With no one other than me to blame

Covering it up acting like nothings wrong
Trying to fit in trying to belong
It has never worked it never will
Too much emptiness too much to fill

Deaths an option so is life
Some days I don't know what feels right
When i'm down no ones there
Dosn't anyone worry dosn't anyone care

I feel like my hearts gone it's been ripped out
I'm alone in emptiness I can't even shout
When will someone notice when will someone see
Will it be too late to try and save me

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Scars, secrects someone else knows

My heart is bleeding my eyes are crying
Inside I almost feel like i'm dying
There are scars that just won't fade
But the tears that I cry can wash away
But I lock away the pain, put away the fears
Show you only smiles not the hidden tears
So what if I have a cut or two
Nobody notices especially you
You wouldn't notice anything was wrong by the way I act
Thats how I wanted it to be to all stay in tact
My secrects not spilled you know how I feel
But now you know it's going to be harder to heal
I didn't want to admit it but it was easier to lie
Hiding the hurt and emptiness to smile instead of cry
It's more harder now knowing someone else knows
It would have been better if I kept my secrets closed
You never would expect anything like this from me
It can get anyone can't you see
Not all scars show not all wounds heal
Sometimes you can't always see the pain someone feels

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My suicide letter

Dear Mother and Father
As you read this I want you to know
None of this is your fault
As I love you both so

I want you to know why I did this
Even though the truth may hurt
For the past few years I've felt so down
Further than under the dirt

Your daughter of great success's
But no one could ever see
The tears behind the smile I showed
The person who was actually me

By myself, feeling all alone
Made me worse and down
Please don't blame yourself for the decision I made
Because you never saw your daughters frown

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