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Paddy Jansen

My Mind

there is so much i want to say
but my mind gets in the way
i want to tell u how much i care
but my mind won't let me share

beeing with you seems like a dream
but my mind gets in between
beside you is where i want to be
but again my mind wont let me

i want to hold you trough the night
but my mind fights with all it's might
i want our love to be forever
but my mind is mean and clever

and prevents me from what i want to say
by taking my true and only voice away
therefore i will never be able to say
what i truly wanted to say on this day

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God's Humor

lying on the ground
only hearing the sound
of my beating heart
with flesh ripped apart

screaming out in pain
sounds get muffled by the rain
veins can be seen
a knife stabbed in ur spleen

blood dripping on the floor
i don't wanne live no more
take my soul away
u start to pray

to the sun, rain or air
or to one that doesn't care
with all thats done to you
u get picked up for round two

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Endless walk part 2

while my body continues to move forward
the rain gets harder and the wind stronger
my thoughts are tormenting me i try to stay focused
ahead of me i see a dark light i'm terrified
because i know who is holding the light
i try to fight my body that keeps moving forward
why won't it listen to me, why won't it stop walking
i look around and see what's seems to be a door
it's open i reach for it will all my might but my arms don't move
while i'm slowly passing the door i break inside
i stop to fight my body that already not seems to be mine
i hear the door closing and prepare myself
for when i reach the one holding the dark light

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Faded Rose

i promised never more would i let someone close
you crossed my path and we shared a fragile rose
i still can't believe how it could be
in the end it was you and not me

now you're sending messages my way
thoughts of you spin in my head the whole day
you wanne help me and stop the bleeding
i can't trust you i'm sorry your to misleading

you say i should not add to your mistake
is it my heart again you want to break
how can you be afraid and hope it's not to late
did u forgot how you were my soulmate

that fragile rose we shared has faded
now you hate the darkness you created
what is it that you want me to say
already said expect nothing from me okey!

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Midnight voice

i am sick and tired of the pain
my life is filled with so much rain
an angel tells me not to give up the fight
my body already started my skin is pale white

somehow she found a way inside my head
i get up but feel like a walking dead
the flame she offers will it melt the ice
but i am afraid what will be the price

you say stay away from the dark
my soul already has it's mark
even we never met and are miles apart
i keep her words close to my frozen heart

it has been missing for a real long while
but thank you for letting me truly smile
i said could not promise you anything
i do see it's joy you want to bring

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Cameraman Diary

compelled he was compelled
i have never seen him like that before
what is it what gets into our heads
when we see something horrible
a horrible accident on the highway
something keeps us from driving on
something holds us
but we don't stop to help
we stop to look

by now we become part of it 24/7
it's strange now looking at things
seeing things tru a lens
a glass rose colored or shaded black
u become immune your suppose to be affected but ur not
i used to think it's just you out there the viewers
but it's not it's us aswell
the shooters we become immune to
so what ever happens around us
no matter how horrible it is

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Endless Walk Holder Of The Light

my body seems to slow down
the dark light shines so bright and clear
i can see who is holding the dark light it's me
the one i used to be the one i never wanted to be
he guides me towards a building i remember it
it's where i promised myself i would be different
he grants me one last moment before he will show me
i tell him there's no need i remember clearly
but still i need to show you before you truly can accept
i see a vision so clearly like it happens as we stand there
while watching i feel myself changing
i don't fear it anymore i'm ready to embrace it
the vision comes to an end the dark light is in my hands
i realise i'm truly back i can feel it in my soul
the one that never should have been born
the one that was granted life as an mistake
the one you should truly avoid is me

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Angel In The Rain

an angel lies on the ground in the rain
what are people doing to her
has to world truly gone insane

when i reach her she seems to be dead
i wanted to help am i to late
i look down and she slowly turns her head

i tell her she will be safe from the crowd
i lift her up and take her away
she looks at me before she passes out

while she is resting on my bed
she shivers and cries
i realise that her heart is sad

your safe here from any harm
i turn to walk away
then she suddenly grabs my arm

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Goodbye Parents

i say goodbye, now don't cry
already told you i wanted to die
this pain is to much to bare
and it's not like you ever did care

u don't even want to see
u need to stop beating me
why do u hurt me so much
i just wanted to feel ur touch

feel safe loved and more
but instead u pointed to the door
go to your f-ing dad u said
while u were getting ready for bed

went to dad and ringed his door
better prepare to get hit some more
because he only drinks beer
he loves hitting me and calls me a queer

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Endless Walk

walking cold to the bone in the rain
wind cuts like a knife in my skin
water drips off my face i look around to see
it's just me walking in the rain, my mind is full of clouds
i start to wonder why does it rain, why am i walking, how long has it been raining, how long have i been walking...
i look at my wrist to see there's no watch
i reach for my pocket to feel there's no pocket
except strings of fibers, fibers are all thats left
from what used to be clothing
my skin looks pale and is full of scars
i fall down on my knees it terrifies me to see the reflection in the puddle of water this is not the face i remember as my own
i stand up only to realise the street is not there
it's just a dark floor
i look around there's a wall on both sides
i look up to scream there's no sound only water that fills my eyes
before i can make sense of it my body starts to move
i'm walking again, where am i going, why can't i stop

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