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Clarence Michael James Stanislaus Dennis

His Bread And His Art

It was an actor, seedy, sad,
Who stood within the gate;
Long weary marches he had had
He had not dined of late.

He sighed: 'I hope I don't intrude.
Believe me or I die:
For days I have not tasted food.
A stranded player I.'

'An actor man?' the lady said.
'What is your favourite role?'
'Hot, madam, and with butter spread,'
He answered from his soul.

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An Epitaph

I've lived a rather careless life,
And many a fault have I;
But I'd have you not stress the strife
What time I come to die.
I'd rather have you talk about
My qualities humane;
As one who cut the rough stuff out,
And has not lived in vain.
So, when you seek to laud my worth,
Write this - let truth prevail:
'He lived for many years on earth,
Yet never killed a whale.'

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Winter

Winter comes; and our complaints
Grow apace as summer faints,
Waning days grow dull and drear,
Something tells, too well, I fear,
That I've found a germ or two;
Something seems - ee! - ah! Tish-OO.

Subthig certigly does tell
That I'b very far frob weel.
Ad I'b cadging cold, I fear
As the wading days grow near,
Winter cubs; ad our complades
Grow apace as subber fades.

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Inevitable

At the beginning of the week
A strictly rigid path I seek,
And vow the only state for me,
In finance, is stability;
I sternly view all borrowing
As an absurd and evil thing.

But, as old Time slips by on skids,
And, with him sundry 'bobs' and 'quids,'
And my financial state gets low,
With pay-day still some laps to go,
I have to own - twixt me and you
It is inevitable, too.

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The Teacher

I'd like to be a teacher, and have a clever brain,
Calling out, 'Attention, please!' and 'Must I speak in vain?'
I'd be quite strict with boys and girls whose minds I had to train,
And all the books and maps and thngs I'd carefully explain;
I'd make then learn the dates of kings, and all the capes of Spain;
But I wouldn't be a teacher if ...
I couldn't use the cane.
Would you?

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Lullaby

You are much too big to dandle,
And I will not leave the candle.
Go to sleep.
You are growing naughty, rather,
And I'll have to speak to father.
Go to sleep!
If you're good I shall not tell, then.
Oh, a story? Very well, then.
Once upon a time, a king, named Crawley Creep,
Had a very lovely daughter . . . .
You don't want a drink of water!
Go to sleep! There! There! Go to sleep.

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Mateship

But when the war-worn, knowing all
Of glory, horror and hate,
Abandons all for the heart's sure call
And the need of a stricken mate.

Better than all the man-made creeds
Begotten in hate's foul fog,
Furthered by dark and bloody deeds
In the name of the under-dog;
Better than 'rights' conceived in rage,
With policy, plot and plan,
Earth's rich, rejected heritage,
The love of man for man.

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Old Farmer Jack

Old farmer Jack gazed on his wheat,
And feared the frost would nip it.
Said he, "it's nearly seven feet -
I must begin to strip 'it.

He stripped it with a stripper and
He bagged it with a bagger;
The bags were all so lumpy that
They made the bumper stagger.

The lumper staggered up the stack
Where he was told to stack it;
And Jack was paid and put the cash
Inside his linen jacket.

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Lay Of Last Monkey

I am last in the whole world wide,
For my brothers all have gone,
One by one have the martyrs died,
That mankind might live on.

High am I set in the market square,
Widely my fame abounds,
And for me a Yankee millionaire
Bids fifty million pounds.

Keen goes the bidding; fierce the fight,
There are cries on every hand....
But I mean to take to the woods tonight;
And they'll never get my gland!

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Modern Hygiene

'Mother, may I go in to swim?'
'My dear, you didn't oughter.
I've heard of baths filled to the brim
With something more than water.'

'Mother, I want to learn to swim.'
'Oh, have a care, my daughter!
I fear this ultra-modern whim
To lave in ale and porter.'

'Mother! They all go in to swim!'
'Think of the aftermath, dear.
Well, hang your clothes on a hickory limb,
But never drink your bath, dear.'

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