Craps.....[Short; Nature observations; National park; My Marriage]age
Our recent driving trip through western states has ended.
In Yellowstone I said something to my wife which offended
her because it seemed to show lack of interest in what we did.
I referred to the thermal features as 'crap'. So? I'm just a kid.
How many geysers and hot springs must I endure?
They are dangerous and the water's not even pure!
Besides, I saw some of it forty-nine years ago.
I remembered Old Faithful from then; my brain's not THAT slow.
Well, my wife was not impressed by my choice of words.
It's like I downgraded the wonders to the level of turds.
So I apologized, sort of, and off we went some more
to view Yellowstone's wonders....though some are a bore.
Hee hee
poem by Bri Edwards
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When Wives Get Upset......[Marriage; Short; Humor? ; Personal]]
There are times when my wife has a fit.
Then she treats me like a twit.
Or worse she treats me like a cur.
What did I ever do to her? ?
Of course it is HER house.
So I must cower like a mouse.
She may pinch, poke, and punch.
I must 'eat it' like it is lunch.
‘Cause if I don't I may find,
she will treat me even LESS kind.
Well at times I may deserve it all.
Many men have made the fall......from grace.
Tonight was just such a night.
I yelled at her and that ain't right!
I WAS both a twit AND a cur.
How can I make it up to her? ?
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poem by Bri Edwards
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Short; Silly: Ode To A Commode...Or....A Poem About Toilets
modern 'toilets' are large flushable porcelain bowls
which catch waste from both your and my exit holes.
i'm used to white ones with large flush-water tank.
a hidden pipe carries off stuff that often does smell rank.
some in japan were quite different……with no way to sit!
i'm glad i found 'my style' when t'was time to shit.
and if from toilet-paper usage you're leaning,
some toilets have the choice of an in-bowl shower, for cleaning.
toilet seats are sometimes colored, or cushioned, or even heated;
for me, more important (at times) is JUST to be SEATED!
toilets have changed since they were just holes in the ground.
i hope, when i 'need' a toilet, one's always around!
(4-4-2010)
poem by Bri Edwards
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Silly; Cats: Big Fat Cat Without A Hat
Outside my window a big cat sat,
a big, FAT, cat without any hat.
Its fur was white and really quite long.
Nights she would serenade me with a song.
Her song could get loud, almost scary,
almost like a huge monster, hairy.
It got so I had trouble sleepin',
and very late nights I was keepin'.
To quiet her I gave her some food,
but she got even louder with food. How rude!
I took her in, but never again!
My bed she made into a pigpen.
So I put her back out in the night;
with rain she was a pitiful sight.
Then one night along came a big black Tom.
They left like going off to a prom.
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poem by Bri Edwards
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Halloween Approaches....[Short; Scary? ; Gross? ]
Halloween suddenly now approaches.
Let me eat some crawling roaches.
Let me kill some football coaches.
(And let me not forget the cute cheerleader.
To my pit bull I can feed her.)
Boys and girls will knock for candy.
I'll lock them in a cage that's handy,
and feed them, instead, some stew that's sandy,
made with rat tails and chicken legs
and wiggly worms and spider eggs.
I can't help my lustful craving for BLOOD,
which each October through my brain does flood,
like a scarlet explosion from a plump rose bud.
My knives are sharpened, my teeth are grating.
The porch light is on, my freezer's waiting.
I'll only harvest what I can handle,
luring them in using treats and a glowing candle.
They get their treats but then they are MINE!
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poem by Bri Edwards
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Silly; Human nature: Do You Have A Sister, King?
Do you have a sister
Oh My Royal Mister?
If you do I would come to Your Court,
And would, with her, consent to consort.
If she is pretty and slim, all the better,
But she doesn't need to measure up to the letter.
Yes, slim, rather than fat would be best;
That makes it easier to hold ALL of her to my chest.
It's not that I dislike fat girls; I know they can be nice. And
There are those who would choose MORE meat,
And, at a slim girl, not look twice.
As for my mention of the word 'pretty',
I know there will be those who, on me, may feel pity.
Truth be told "pretty" isn't needed if she is nice, and sweet,
And maybe wealthy and quick-on-her-feet.
So here is my supplication to You, Oh King:
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poem by Bri Edwards
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A Lonely Cloud.....[Nature Observation; Humor]
I saw a lonely cloud one day.
It looked small beyond the Bay.
I tried to find a second and failed,
even though I looked each way.
Think of it! A single cloud.
It's loneliness spoke to me aloud.
I wonder how it felt up there.
Was it very proud?
A rarity I think it was;
like an active bee with no buzz;
like a single potato chip;
like a peach skin with no fuzz.
Like one firefighter at a fire;
a solitary pigeon on a wire;
a Facebook member with no 'friend';
a single member in a choir.
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poem by Bri Edwards
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Silly; Short: Purple
What can I write about purple, the color?
Over that above question I shall mull …. or
just make some stuff up you might just believe.
Let's see what Brian has up his sleeve.
Purple was the seventh color discovered by man.
It's the most often used color in a Chinese fan.
When someone acts silly, we say they are 'acting purple'.
The only word it rhymes with is the archaic word snurple.
Purple was my hair color when I was born.
That that is true, my oldest brother has sworn.
In England they spell purpple with one, two, three p's.
A billion years ago it was the color of all the tree leaves.
You'll forgive me (I hope) for acting purple today.
Now that I'm retired it is one of the way……..
zi get along ….. without too much knowledge.
It may be one big reason ….. I was kicked out of college! !
(July 2012)
poem by Bri Edwards
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Bye-bye Jimmy.....[Nature observations; Death; Personal]
Two days ago out our window in the morning
a unique event appeared to me without warning.
Among the trees, of our neighbor's southern slope,
I spied a large deer which I felt had little hope
of making it to the next day's dawning.
I saw it prostrate, its head weakly raised a bit.
One large ear moved but was about to quit.
One proud antler rose above its head,
but I thought 'this buck is nearly dead.
It will cause no more springtime 'fawning'.'
My wife was near me and I alerted her.
By the time she looked, the deer did not stir.
But she thought he was alive and that he looked her way.
She may have been correct, but who can really say?
She named him 'Jimmy'. I don't know why.
My wife urged me to write this farewell note,
the first such poem I ever wrote.
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poem by Bri Edwards
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Hoarse Red-tailed Horse.....[Short; English Language; Humor; Fantasy]
Perhaps you've read the tale of the red-tailed horse
who, after she ate eight bowls of ice cream, felt no remorse.
That night, feet uncovered, she slept on her couch (no small feat!) .
Like an arctic tern she did toss and turn, in her room with no heat.
Next morning in her room at the inn, she was hoarse and sore.
Not feeling hale, with hail falling on the moor, she vowed to eat ice cream no more.
Through her mind went 'flu'. Then (like birds flew) the 'flu' idea she threw.
For four hours she gargled, and sipped warm soup. In due time the hail melted and looked like dew.
She still could not bear bare feet. But two pairs of pears she did eat.
In time she ate squash with thyme, did not whine, had wine and some meat.
From her porch she blew a kiss to a hare with blue hair. She swatted a fly.
The next day she would dye her tail green. She was glad she did not die.
(3-31-2010)
poem by Bri Edwards
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