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George Burns

It's good to be here. At 98, it's good to be anywhere.

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Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.

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I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.

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You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old.

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I'm going to stay in show business until I'm the last one left.

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I would go out with women my age, but there are no women my age.

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You've got to be honest; if you can fake that, you've got it made.

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Acting is all about honesty. If you can fake that, you've got it made.

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I'm at the age now where just putting my cigar in its holder is a thrill.

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Look to the future, because that is where you'll spend the rest of your life.

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George Burns
George Burns