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Carol Burnett

I don't have false teeth. Do you think I'd buy teeth like these?

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Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.

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Celebrity was a long time in coming; it will go away. Everything goes away.

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My grandmother and I saw an average of eight movies a week, double features, second run.

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Well, I don't know how astute I am, but I did want to be a journalist when I was growing up.

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My interesting diet tips are eat early and don't nosh between meals. I mean, I can pack it away.

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Originally, I came from Texas, and we lived on - I guess you'd call it welfare, what we called relief.

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I have always grown from my problems and challenges, from the things that don't work out, that's when I've really learned.

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It costs a lot to sue a magazine, and it's too bad that we don't have a system where the losing team has to pay the winning team's lawyers.

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You have to go through the falling down in order to learn to walk. It helps to know that you can survive it. That's an education in itself.

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Carol Burnett
Carol Burnett