I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox.

quote by Woody Allen
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Bisexuality automatically doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.

quote by Woody Allen
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Man consists of two parts, his mind and his body, only the body has more fun.

quote by Woody Allen
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When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.

quote by Woody Allen
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It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.

quote by Woody Allen
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It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.

quote by Woody Allen
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I can't listen to that much Wagner. I start getting the urge to conquer Poland.

quote by Woody Allen
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It's not that I'm afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens.

quote by Woody Allen
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I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.

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The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep.

quote by Woody Allen
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