As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.

quote by Woody Allen
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As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree' -- probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.

quote by Woody Allen
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I want to tell you a terrific story about oral contraception. I asked this girl to sleep with me and she said 'No.'

quote by Woody Allen
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I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.

quote by Woody Allen
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It is impossible to travel faster than the speed of light, and certainly not desirable, as one's hat keeps blowing off.

quote by Woody Allen
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Right now it's only a notion, but I think I can get the money to make it into a concept, and later turn it into an idea.

quote by Woody Allen
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The good people sleep much better at night than the bad people. Of course, the bad people enjoy the waking hours much more.

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What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream Or what's worse, what if only that fat guy in the third row exists

quote by Woody Allen
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The government is unresponsive to the needs of the little man. Under 5'7, it is impossible to get your congressman on the phone.

quote by Woody Allen
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It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more.

quote by Woody Allen
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