Now don't say you can't swear off drinking; it's easy. I've done it a thousand times.

quote by W.C. Fields
Added by Lucian Velea
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Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.

quote by W.C. Fields
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Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a case of Scotch.

quote by W.C. Fields
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It was a woman who drove me to drink, and I never had the courtesy to thank her for it.

quote by W.C. Fields
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I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake--which I also keep handy.

quote by W.C. Fields
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The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.

quote by W.C. Fields
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Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there's nothing exactly like it.

quote by W.C. Fields
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I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.

quote by W.C. Fields
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I like to keep a bottle of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.

quote by W.C. Fields
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The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.

quote by W.C. Fields
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