Children should neither be seen nor heard from - ever again.

quote by W.C. Fields
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All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women.

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I've never struck a woman in my life, not even my own mother.

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Sleep - the most beautiful experience in life - except drink.

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I never drink water. I'm afraid it will become habit-forming.

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Never cry over spilt milk, because it may have been poisoned.

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I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.

quote by W.C. Fields
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If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.

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Here lies W. C. Fields. I would rather be living in Philadelphia.

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You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.

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