I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five.

quote by Steven Wright
Added by Lucian Velea
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George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... you can't hear him talk.

quote by Steven Wright
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Every now and then I like to lean out my window, look up and smile for a satellite picture.

quote by Steven Wright
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I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'

quote by Steven Wright
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I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.

quote by Steven Wright
Added by Lucian Velea
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When I was a kid, I went to the store and asked the guy, Do you have any toy train schedules?

quote by Steven Wright
Added by Lucian Velea
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I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car.

quote by Steven Wright
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Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter?

quote by Steven Wright
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The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing.

quote by Steven Wright
Added by Veronica Serbanoiu
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My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.

quote by Steven Wright
Added by Lucian Velea
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