It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.

quote by Steven Wright
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Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up all night.

quote by Steven Wright
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I live on a one-way street that's also a dead end. I'm not sure how I got there.

quote by Steven Wright
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There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

quote by Steven Wright
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I installed a skylight in my apartment. The people who live above me are furious!

Steven Wright in Standup Comedy Routine
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My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere.

quote by Steven Wright
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My girlfriend sleeps in a queen-sized bed and I sleep in a court jester-sized bed.

Steven Wright in I Have a Pony
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I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to the side.

quote by Steven Wright
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I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place.

quote by Steven Wright
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It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature.

quote by Steven Wright
Added by Lucian Velea
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