I Should Have I Could Have I Would Have

I vowed I would not say my father's famous words
'I should have could have I would have '
I do not know if I want to say them now
But somewhere in me is some longing unrealized
Some dream unreached
Some hope untouched-

'I could have done better
I could have worked harder
I should have been more conscientious
I should have tried to make money
I should have found the way to hold it all together once long ago
I should have concentrated on works of thought
I should have found a way in writing which would truly help others
I should have been kinder
I should have had the guts to say what I really think and feel about many things
I should have loved more
I should have taught my children in a better way
I should have been a stronger person'

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poem by Shalom Freedman
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Say That I Loved Life

SAY THAT I LOVED LIFE

Say that I loved life-
Say that I tried to be good to others-
That I was mostly kind,
Say that I found Interest in so many people-
Tell them that all my failures and my complainings
Did not matter that much
Were cancelled by my gratitude
To all those who gave me so much-
Say that the years of writing were in themselves joy enough
And that the lack of rewards and recognition were secondary-
Tell them how happy I was to have the family I had-
Tell them that the very ordinary sensations
The simple sights were pleasure enough-
Say it was mostly alright
And tell them even if I am in pain and suffering now
That I loved life-

Say that I loved life

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poem by Shalom Freedman
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There Are Days No Poem Can Be Written

THERE ARE DAYS NO POEM CAN BE WRITTEN

There are days no poem can be written
Grief and worry frighten the poem away
Yet the poem lives hidden
For our darkest moments our loneliest fears
Too need their poetry.

Poetry is a way of saying all we need to say
It is our deepest feeling most deeply expressed
It is all we are
The whole of our being
In words.

When a poet dies
Words die
When I will die
All I am will no longer be able to write
One more poem.

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poem by Shalom Freedman
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If I Had The Gift To Inspire You With Heroic Words

If I had the gift to inspire you with heroic words
I would tell you that I do not fear death
And that against Time and its ruins
I will stand strong to the end-
If I had the gift to inspire you with heroic words
I would tell you that at the hardest times the darkest times
One’s inner light must light the way again-
I would tell you that beyond every inhumane cruel challenge
Can come your most saving action-
If I had the gift to inspire you with heroic words
I would say that we need not ever be afraid of anyone or anything again-

But I do not have the gift and I do not have such courage-
I have only the examples of others more heroic than me
That seem to come from another universe
And have powers I never knew humans could have-

If I had the gift to inspire you with heroic words
I would say ‘Go to Others More Courageous than me
They will lead you to great victories

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poem by Shalom Freedman
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A Poem Of Frustration, Rage, Bitterness, Resentment, Disappointment, Envy, Sadness, Sickness, Depression, Fear

A POEM OF FRUSTRATION, RAGE, BITTERNESS, RESENTMENT, DISAPPOINTMENT, ENVY, SADNESS, SICKNESS, DEPRESSION, FEAR

A poem of frustration, rage, bitterness, resentment, disappointment, envy, sadness, sickness, despair, depression, fear-
All feelings of down and darkness and shame and lust and emptiness
A poem of ugliness inside and anger which has no goodness in it
A poem to blame myself and the world
A poem of guilt and loneliness and nothingness and sadness again and again
A poem no one ever needs to feel
A bad poem on bad things
Ugly ugly ugly
As if even the earth were made in the image of darkness and death
Such a sad bad poem and such inner anger and sickness and sadness
What can it all mean?
When I am a person of such good intention
Who wants the best for us all?
What can it all mean
When God wants us to be better and better and good?
I don’t know.
I am just a little complaining discontent not yet at the end of my road perhaps.
God help me out of this again, please.

poem by Shalom Freedman
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Poetry And Politics Should Not Be Mixed

I love my poetry pure and personal
The feelings of the single soul
In loneliness and love
In sadness and in happiness

But when they call us animal names
And say they want to kill us all
And when they make us into microbes and cancers
They say they will exterminate

How can I go on just by myself only for myself?

Mustn’t I say I come from a people
Whose Name for God means Peace
And who teach Kindness as life’s first quality?
A people who perhaps more than any other
Have suffered cruelty in their struggle to survive?

Mustn’t I with my small words nonetheless strive to say
We will fight to survive

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poem by Shalom Freedman
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There Are Those Who Have Known Daily Horrors

THERE ARE THOSE WHO HAVE KNOWN DAILY HORRORS

I have had a relatively easy life-
There are those who have known daily horrors
Beyond those any human being should ever have to imagine
I think of the last generation of survivors of the Shoah
Slowly dying out now
Taking with them their memories of loved ones murdered before their eyes
Of incredible tortures and cruelty
Of horrible partings and endless humiliations-

I think of these people my fellow Jews
And wonder why God allowed it to happen to them
And what it all means-

I certainly don't know-

I have had a relatively easy life
With of course my own griefs and sorrows and failings
But nothing at all like what they went through -

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poem by Shalom Freedman
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The Logic Of Poetry Has a Color And Shape Of Its Own

THE LOGIC OF POETRY HAS A COLOR AND SHAPE OF ITS OWN

The logic of poetry has a color and shape of its own
Its clear silences ring deeply as paradox confounded into meaning
How many others have made Beauty of words
And still are sung of only by the Silence?

How these days go by longing to remain alive
Because life itself bears within it the best of these most poignant dying moments?

Our doom is certain and our final word never to be clearly heard
But we as we are can be in this world for our time with all its beauty as us-
There is no more wonder than this God gives-

We look out and up each day as a child may still look for its first light above-

No one knows where the darkness ends and even if it is darkness at all
We say the word ‘God’ and all we know and mean is that our greatest meaning must be beyond us – if it is to be at all
‘God’ we say ‘God’
And who are we and what are we

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poem by Shalom Freedman
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The Horror Of Horrors Has Not Happened To Me

THE HORROR OF HORRORS HAS NOT HAPPENED TO ME

The horror of horrors has not happened to me-
No Palestinian terrorist entered my house and stabbed my wife and myself to death
And slit the throat of our three year old child
And put a knife in the heart of our three- month old baby-
No tsunami came and swept our house and world away -
No Nazi pulled my beard kicked me and laughed
Before shooting my head off -
No I have not known the violent death which today and yesterday
And so many days before
Has taken innocent people from this world-

I don’t know what it is
It has never happened to me
And yet
And yet
I fear and fear more
That there is no end to this kind of evil
And even if I make it to a quiet deathbed exit

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poem by Shalom Freedman
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Where Is The Other World?

WHERE IS THE OTHER WORLD?

Where is the other world?
What is the other world?
Is there Another World?
What do the Dead do after they die?
Is the Life in the Other World a real life?
Do we know each other as persons in the Other World?
Are we better and kinder there?
Do we love others there in a truer way?
Are we closer to God there?
Is the Other World being with God?
What can it mean to be with God?

Why when we die do we not die forever?
Is there another world?
Do we live forever in it?
Does God love us there?
Are we still the same people in the other world
That we were here?

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poem by Shalom Freedman
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