There was an old fart from Turin
who's bottom was always tootin'
needless to say
he took off one fine day
and ended up landing at Luton.
limerick by Ruth Walters
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There was a young man from Luton
stealing suits from Aquascutum
but none of them fit
for his belly was big
and Marquees are all that would suit him
limerick by Ruth Walters
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I Say, I Say, I Say
At night I like to run a bath,
not round the block,
don't laugh, don't laugh,
it's not a dog, it is a bath.
Oh you're not daft,
not daft, not daft.
poem by Ruth Walters
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Toasted
The toasted marshmallows were horrid,
the muffins were burnt and quite naff,
I didn’t go much for the porridge
but your warm, toasty bottom was grand!
poem by Ruth Walters
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Solutions
There's a gaseous solution in my tummy
a mixture full of water and hot air.
A scientist might find that kind of funny
but a trial that he wouldn't care to share.
poem by Ruth Walters
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There was an old woman from Slough
who never, not ever would scowl
so when push came to shove
she just gave you a nudge
with a slice of old cod that was foul.
limerick by Ruth Walters
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There was a young lad from Hong Kong
who stood up all day singing songs
the ants in his pants
made him wriggle and prance
so he just couldn't sit for too long.
limerick by Ruth Walters
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Frogs
Maids pass Lilly pad
Native Essex frog winks while
long tongue licks warm beer.
Darting tongue thrusts out
old frog dies on lily pad
maidens weeps green tears.
poem by Ruth Walters
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A young lady most awfully dressed
went off to her job in a vest,
her colleagues all stared
when she walked down the stairs
for the poor girl was all knickerless!
limerick by Ruth Walters
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Precious
Precious was your sweet small hand in mine.
As we crossed the road I knew I loved you so
and never, even passed the end of time
would I ever want to let your sweet hand go!
poem by Ruth Walters
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