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P.J. O'Rourke

Never fight an inanimate object.

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Never wear anything that panics the cat.

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Seriousness is stupidity sent to college.

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Earnestness is stupidity sent to college.

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You can't get rid of poverty by giving people money.

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Never be unfaithful to a lover, except with your wife.

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If government were a product, selling it would be illegal.

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Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely.

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There is one thing women can never take away from men. We die sooner.

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Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.

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