Temporary Contentment
For a long time now I have felt the void in my heart
My happiness is split into pieces as from a pie chart
One section alone never gets enough honest attention
Satisfaction comes in small doses hardly worth to mention
I smile but it never leaves the surface and only touches skin
It feels as swimming with a strong current knowing to win
I long to feel more like touching thunder and lightening
But I am unengaged and nothing that emerges is exciting
Everything is easy and I am floating downstream very tamed
Without giving in to passion my life appears to be maimed
Whenever I look in the mirror I still recognize what is hiding
But I am uninspired and remain silent giving in and abiding
From my front window I see the world walk on by every day
But I stand muted and confined in my plastic bubble I stay
Is contentment really only a state of the mind and resting
Something that slyly bypasses my soul without protesting
Or is it something that is achieved with practice and loss
That crept into my routine like a rescue by the Red Cross
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poem by Kristina Louisa Carr
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Atonement
Shadows are comforting companions quiet and gentle
Reflecting on my actions nothing appears to be accidental
Surrounded by darkness or a very dim light I am free
Admitting to my true feelings I make you the trustee
You said you envisioned a shadow above your head
Now you know it was me and just like a dark threat
In my room when everything turns to grey and stone
It is you I seek out and to you I truly wish to atone
I want to apologize for everything that I will do wrong
For not being there when you need me and for being gone
I cheated myself pretending that I dont need you at all
Now I wish I could take it back and stay for the long haul
Please believe that you are the only one that I ever needed
All else fades in the shade and nothing important preceded
Forgive me for not being by your side every day of the year
I take full responsibility for leaving and my sorrow is severe
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poem by Kristina Louisa Carr
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Three Nights In One Room
In the corners of my memory its nothing but silence that I hear
I am searching for visions of you afraid they've disappeared
Like the sun illuminates the edges behind a storm cloud
I'm still harboring thoughts of you - remaining unbowed
There are times I just want to give up on your existence
But you're out there I just have to eliminate the distance
I have been searching for you looking at hundreds of faces
But you have disappeared completely not leaving any traces
Recalling the three nights we have spent in this one room
We were pretending that it was nothing like wearing a costume
You know nothing of me not even my location or my name
Evidence has been destroyed and I have nothing to reclaim
You are the only one that captured my heart in one take
And today I know that letting you go was a huge mistake
They've said that you postponed your flight and returned
Arriving again in the lobby you had just left I learned
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poem by Kristina Louisa Carr
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Colors I Remember
The colors we see change when we are in love
They may hide the truth or are all you can think of
I wish that I could capture each color in a trap
And when I feel bad I could use them as a map
I remember the hazel color of your eyes
The green sparks in them are my loves allies
White I can recall were the crisp cotton sheets
The only ones witnessed what took place it seems
Of a soft black was the tailored suit you wore
I drank every image of you and not one I can ignore
I made fun of your boxers they were navy blue
I wish I would have kept them - you know it's true
The hotel walls embraced by a subtle yellow glow
Watching us as we came together really slow
You loved the things I wore that were red
You said they against my tan go straight to your head
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poem by Kristina Louisa Carr
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Coffee Cigarettes and Time
The late afternoon invites leisurely
to inactivity and rest The best time to sit back
and be waited on like a guest At the corner
coffee shop where the air is thick with smoke
People play pool in the back room placing bets
that provoke The writer who lives alone
on the thirteenth floor is relaxed He smiles
unnoticeably having a completed chapter faxed
The bartender is preparing for the night and
Happy Hour Inventing new fancy drinks
that are potent sweet or sour The old guy
sitting at the bar in no rush to get home on time
Shares opinions over strong coffee about a
forgotten war crime A woman ordered wine
getting cigarettes from the machine Slowly strolls
across the room wearing a stone of aquamarine
Late rush hour traffic encourages to hang out
for a while Two attractive men in the corner sharing
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poem by Kristina Louisa Carr
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Blood on the Moon
When the sand on the beach turns to diamonds and glass
Sparkling with sharp edges like a knife laying in the grass
The sun has vanished and the moon showers a potent glow
Then the world transformed and became an ancient chateau
When dark floods are crowned with a subtle orange light
The pain of our planet is compounded in a vampires bite
Then spells echo in silence and become weapons of war
And creatures stand guard waiting to settle an old score
When ancient rhythms awaken the ones that are sleeping
We hear the weary sobs of mourning women silently weeping
And lovers confess what they were previously hiding inside
Then it's time to gather and worship the arrival of the tide
When all original sins are prevailed in one silent confession
We feel the pulse of time and nature is undeniably in session
Then seasons become millenniums enduring new ice and snow
Covering up all evidence of a future we never meant to know
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poem by Kristina Louisa Carr
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Falling
Lost words return to me like fog on rainy afternoons
When conversations lose their meaning like cartoons
I feel the breath of all seconds when the moments stand still
While an eerie silence is circling my aura for a lasting thrill
Shift-shaping memories become illusions of imminent pain
When I scream into the darkness bound by an iron chain
As illicit dreams of travels release meanings previously confined
Quiet tears are gathered as witnesses in ponds for peace of mind
Hiding between mirrored walls is a task spellbindingly clear
When the dust in my eyes makes tomorrow almost disappear
The darkness is warm and comforting in a small empty room
Like compacted dirt piled in layers on a fresh marble tomb
Questions become answers in a familiar world without a sound
As the ice ruptures and angry waves collide on common ground
When glass breaks into a thousand pieces small and undefined
I can compartmentalize my choices written in Braille for the blind
But the lines of my borders become blurry like an infinite grey sky
And breathing appears to be easy when living is just waiting to die
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poem by Kristina Louisa Carr
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Freedom
Our world is so beautiful and we are supposed to be free
But more often than not we feel the burden of a penetentiary
Because we have to be politically correct feelings are disguised
And we became slaves to the goods we want that are advertised
People no longer just need clothing water shelter and food
Now it's riches and lots of excess as a necessity they include
Keeping up with the Joneses we often lose our perspective
And our motives are selfish and opinions at best subjective
We became addicts needing things we want to have in our lifes
And it seems to be important what kind of vehicles we drive
Lots of plastic pays for all the things we don't really need
Every day we are stressing and life passes by with great speed
Children that are parked in front of the TV mostly unattended
Preparing to become valid contributors to a life that's splendid
All sense for family compassion and environment are long lost
And the only important values in our lifes are the things that cost
Lots of excess generate mountains of discards and smelly trash
And people don't care where it all goes because it's no longer cash
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poem by Kristina Louisa Carr
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Small Minds
It is hard for me to understand the thoughts of a small mind
A mind that operates within a box with walls strongly defined
I wish to know how one can stay so closed up and sheltered
In a world full of diversity and progress they must feel sweltered
Not understanding the world due to limited abilities I can get
But if you have the IQ and still turn your head it makes me upset
How about the guy that is infected with an inferiority complex
And covers it up with an attitude that is loud and lacking respect
We all know that the bossy macho guy is actually a small man
In all aspects he is narrow as found in the members of the klan
At times I wish I could shake some guys severely and wake them up
Welcoming them to a new world by handing over reality in a cup
Then there are women that hide behind the religious writings
Freely interpret them as they see fit being afraid of excitements
It is a viscious circle to teach daughters dependency and shame
Saying that they are less worth than a man and not the same
I don't understand why religion is the main cause of all denial
Small minds kept small - I wish to put the false prophets on trial
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poem by Kristina Louisa Carr
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Cover Up
I agreed to surrender all and speak of lasting peace
But there is still blood on the sidewalks and disease
I have gathered the children and dried their tears
Although the line is busy to the army of volunteers
I told all that there is hope to survive and to smile
But they laughed at me and remained very hostile
In June it was snowing and we decorated a tree
But the Federal Marshal wrote me a ticket for a fee
I was in a locked room walking on mirrored glass
Regretfully they said that the check up I did not pass
I was set free but could not shed the striped shirt
At the time you saw me hiding because I was hurt
On the way to the meeting I rode in a lavender bus
I was whispering confessions I usually don't discuss
When the man in the corner started to bleed in red
I knew that there was a mistake and word had spread
The corner store sold stale bread for a steep price
But who is to complain if we only grow brown rice
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poem by Kristina Louisa Carr
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