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Jules Feiffer

Maturity is only a short break in adolescence.

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Getting out of bed in the morning is an act of false confidence.

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Christ died for our sins. Dare we make his martyrdom meaningless by not committing them

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Christ died for our sins. Dare we make his martyrdom meaningless by not committing them?

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Jesus died to forgive our sins. Dare we make his martyrdom meaningless by not committing them?

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I grew up to have my father's looks, my father's speech patterns, my father's posture, my father's opinions, and my mother's contempt for my father.

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Artists can color the sky red because they know it's blue. Those of us who aren't artists must color things the way they really are or people might think we're stupid.

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The big mistake that men make is that when they turn thirteen or fourteen and all of a sudden they've reached puberty, they believe that they like women. Actually, you're just horny. It doesn't mean you like women any more at twenty-one than you did at ten.

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At sixteen I was stupid, confused, insecure and indecisive. At twenty-five I was wise, self- confident, prepossessing and assertive. At forty-five I am stupid, confused, insecure and indecisive. Who would have supposed that maturity is only a short break in adolescence?

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I used to think I was poor. Then they told me I wasn't poor, I was needy. They told me it was self-defeating to think of myself as needy, I was deprived. Then they told me underprivileged was overused. I was disadvantaged. I still don't have a dime. But I have a great vocabulary.

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Jules Feiffer
Jules Feiffer