Chill Out, Mr Poet! !
I'm sure your poetry is good
And I'd like to help you if I could,
But you're too intense and too sincere,
Why not relax and have a beer?
You say the Truth will 'set me free',
It's all very well but can't you see
Football and lager and T.V.
Mean more than Jesus Christ than me!
Why don't you read the daily news?
It'll cure you of these silly blues,
The tabloids are for recreation,
And there's nothing wrong with masturbation! !
I must say, you gave me a fright
When you came in here looking so uptight -
There's no solution, take my word,
Our little lives are quite Absurd! !
poem by John Thorkild Ellison
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Only Men Bleed
Only men bleed!
She never understood my need -
She understood she'd won my heart
And then she casually tore it apart!
Little wonder that I wanted to die,
I got no sleep, all I did was cry,
No doubt she laughed at my foolish ways -
What do you expect in these Feminist Days?
I only wanted to make her smile
And be in her company for a little while,
Yes, I was foolish and fell for her charms
And wanted to hold her in my arms.
Take my advice, my dearest friend,
Or your broken heart will never mend,
Don't give your love to Womenkind,
Their eyes are open but their souls are blind! !
poem by John Thorkild Ellison
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A Disillusioned Poet Dies
Now that I'm lying in my hearse
I realize that my paltry verse
Was simply just an ego-trip,
An attempt to show that I was 'hip'
Just like those beatniks that went before
Who's hackneyed ideas are a crashing bore!
I realize now that my poetry
Was just the fruit of vanity -
What did I think that I could gain
By versifying my endless pain?
Now that I've finally had my day
I hope that you will throw away
The books I strove so hard to write
Before the coming of my night.
I beg you now to set me free
From useless, hopeless poetry -
What a bloody waste of time
[...] Read more
poem by John Thorkild Ellison
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God Bless America? (A Sonnet)
Come all you people, join the applause
That patriots give to the Mother of Wars!
Let's crucify those left-wing types
Who won't bow down to the Stars 'n Stripes!
Bin Laden's dead, and Saddam Hussein,
The Yankees are winners again and again.
We're going to be masters in Afghanistan,
You just cannot beat an American man!
Our critics all think we did it for oil
But whatever you do someone's going to spoil
Your sense of achievement and justified pride
In your brothers in arms and the soldiers who died -
God bless America, raise her flag high,
Then look out the window and watch the pigs fly! !
poem by John Thorkild Ellison
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Auschwitz
The Kommandant's a decent guy,
I know he wouldn't hurt a fly -
When I asked him if the Jews would die
He shook his head and told his lie,
'The Fuhrer wants his money's worth,
It's not a question of their birth,
If they pull their weight then they will live,
The Germans know how to forgive!
Haven't you heard their happy cry
'Arbeit Macht Frei! Arbeit Macht Frei! '?
Our Leader has a heart of gold,
That's what his followers have been told.
It's a pity that your friend's a Jew,
A slight mistake, in my point of view,
Remember we're the master race
And wipe that frown from off your face! '
poem by John Thorkild Ellison
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An Older Guy's Blues
I've had a long identity crisis,
A messy, mucky one,
With a mixture of sad and solitary vices
And not a single shred of fun!
I used to lie awake at night
Reading books by Edmund White -
I used to worry that I was queer,
But I soon found out I'm not, no fear! !
But I've had to make do with imagination
'Cos there's no way I'll ever score,
And who wants the shame and humiliation
Of being told you're too old and a crashing bore?
So do you really need an explanation
Of why I fancy young barmaids at the pub?
I like them, that's no exaggeration
But could I get it up? Aye, there's the rub! !
poem by John Thorkild Ellison
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A Typical Man
When she realised, at last, what the old fool was after,
She burst into peals of hysterical laughter,
She was half his age, it was quite a joke,
But he thought he could pull her, what a typical bloke!
She supposed he was handsome in an odd sort of way,
But a bit of a dandy (he could have been gay) ,
But she'd have to be barmy to fall for his type,
Genteel and well-spoken, and smoking a pipe!
She didn't like smokers, besides what a cheek
To think she could fancy such a phoney old freak!
It all goes to show there's no innocent man -
They're all of them guilty when the sh*t hits the fan! !
poem by John Thorkild Ellison
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A Biological Trick
You say you love me - what a bore!
I seem to have heard those words before!
Quite frankly, dear, they make me sick,
Love's just some kind of biological trick
To propogate the human race.
I know you've got a pretty face
And I have to admit you turn me on;
My sexual instincts haven't gone
And though you know I could be your Dad
It might be the best thrill I've ever had,
But don't you realise the human race
Is a goddamn awful bloody disgrace?
Better fo you to be a nun
Than finish this game that you've begun!
Like I've told you a hundred times before
There's no use flogging an old dead whore! !
poem by John Thorkild Ellison
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Alcohol Blues Revisited
Day after day I've been flogging a dead horse,
Waking up in the morning with alcoholic remorse,
Depressed and befuddled and hungover of course,
It's a crime against nature and what makes it worse
I can't even write any decent verse,
'Cos there's no escaping this drinker's curse -
So what shall I do? Shall I pack it in?
The beer and the whisky? The vodka and gin?
Is it really so bad? Such a terrible sin?
I'm being courageous, I'll take it on the chin
While one of you's laughing and all of you grin,
Ah, give me a break, you uncharitable swine,
Have a heart, be gentle, and pour me some wine! !
poem by John Thorkild Ellison
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Hangover Blues
Day after day I've been flogging a dead horse,
Waking up in the morning with alcoholic remorse,
Depressed and befuddled and hungover of course,
It's a crime against nature, and what makes it worse
I can't even write any decent verse,
'Cos there's no escaping this drinker's curse -
So what shall I do? Shall I pack it in?
The beer and the whisky? The vodka and gin?
Is it really so bad? Such a terrible sin?
I'm being courageous, I'll take it on the chin,
While one of you's laughing and all of you grin,
Ah, give me a break, you uncharitable swine,
Have a heart, be gentle, and pour me some wine! !
poem by John Thorkild Ellison
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