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John Carter Brown

There was a musician from Crewe
Who took up the didgeridoo;
Though he strained at the throat
He could not get a note
No matter how hard that he blew.

(Written Oct 2012)

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There once was a stock-man named Gaz
Who constantly got on your waz;
He chirped every day
In a bird kind of way
Like the prisoner from old Alcatraz.

(Written March 2004)

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There once was a young man from Skye
Who would sit and continually cry;
It wasn't his debt
That made him upset,
But the dust that flew into his eye.

(Written Sept 2012)

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There once was a villain named Frank
Who thought he would rob him a bank
To break down the door
He failed, and therefore
Proceeded to bring in the tank.

(Written Oct 2012)

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There was a bald lady named Mary
Who hated her wig - it was scary;
And, under stress and emotion
O'erdid the hair lotion
Now all of her body is hairy.

(Written Oct 2012)

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There once was a lady from Stroud,
Who wouldn't stop reading aloud,
She would do it in bed
To her husband called Fred
So he shot her, as he had avowed.

(Written Feb 1995)

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There was an old man from The Dingle
Who, the whole of his life had stayed single
He was handsome and smart
He was willing at heart
But despite this he just couldn't mingle.

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A saucy young farm-girl named Kay
Went quietly missing one day;
She was caught on the farm
With a boy on her arm
Up to goodness knows what, in the hay.

(Written Oct 2012)

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Peace

Oh, give me a home
Where there ain't not no home,
And there's peace
In the homestead all day;
Where shall not be heard
Unsolicited word,
And the kids will all do as I say!

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There once was a fellow from France
Who did a ridiculous dance;
It's not what you're thinking
He hadn't been drinking
His shoes were infested with ants.

(Written Sept 2012)

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