I'm still chasing girls. I don't remember what for, but I'm still chasing them.

quote by Joe E. Lewis
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I don't drink any more than the man next to me, and the man next to me is Dean Martin.

quote by Joe E. Lewis
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Whenever someone asks me if I want water with my Scotch, I say I'm thirsty, not dirty.

quote by Joe E. Lewis
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Show me a man with both feet on the ground and I'll show you a man who can't get his pants on.

quote by Joe E. Lewis
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Adlai Stevenson has a genius for saying the right thing, at the right time, to the wrong people.

quote by Joe E. Lewis
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I've been on such a losing streak that if I had been around I would have taken General Custer and given points.

quote by Joe E. Lewis
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I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster.

quote by Joe E. Lewis
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They had me on the operating table all day. They looked into my stomach, my gall bladder, they examined everything inside of me. Know what they decided? I need glasses.

quote by Joe E. Lewis
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