I'll Sleep My Life Away
When dying tomorrow
is no worse than dying today,
I'll sleep my life away;
no hunger unbearable,
no pain so lacerating -
no lie to make up...
no human defamed.
The world shuts down,
the avenues sleep.
The body forgotten,
the heart stops to weep.
With clouds as my roof,
darkness, my covers...
I hover in nothingness
for nothingness is life.
Death is waking up in obscene streets
begging for food that could not satisfy -
for hunger, pain and sorrow meet
under that same old sky.
Death is waking up in misery
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poem by Jessel Jane Tevar
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The Wine and Me
I asked the moon to drink with me tonight;
he just gave me a heavy sigh,
as though he heard that plea from me
a thousand times before.
Morning after morning, I don't see the sun;
that was after the day you were gone.
I filled my cup with wine,
the sounds of it seems music to my ears.
I wish to fade as you fade
with the passing years.
Every gulp of it brings the memory
when you were here by my side.
'You'll be back' - a sentimental lie.
My cup was empty and i filled it again.
Only now, the tears flowed like rain.
'You did want me' - another lie.
And i drink with my shadow
as the time passes by.
I was slowly consumed, like fire down a candle;
like drops of water flowing like a passing river.
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poem by Jessel Jane Tevar
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x12-COLD WATERS
(First poem after the introductory poem of DEAD PETALS)
Cold waters rushed down through her;
Hurting…stabbing…filling her in.
She shivered - then felt her body numb.
How good it felt to hurt that way…
where words are lost,
there’s no much more to say;
Feeling the waters through her skin
to soothe the pain inside.
Hurting more to forget the wound she hide.
Hurting until there’s no vainer than vain…
hurting more to ease the inner pain.
Tears rolled down unnoticed-
as she sat there all alone;
Waiting, always waiting…
for her body to get drowned.
But time seems to play a game with her,
and torment never seem to end.
Strong web of time gleamed clearer,
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poem by Jessel Jane Tevar
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The Mourners
Weeping for ones who in darkness lie,
the ones who in distress have sold their helpless souls;
for ones who have been born only to die...
perhaps for ones they never knew at all.
At times in graveyard they bury their thoughts
as though in there the sentiments hide some sacred notes.
At times they and corpses alike must maintain
the silence of the grave...
I wonder what played beneath their heads
that made them scream a hollow cry
or that if ever in their solemn lips
float the shadows of a lie.
No one has been so desperate to cry as they...
finding reasons to fill their eyes with false tears
or making them real as they recall
the pain of all the years.
They mourn for others and sometimes for themselves;
they mourn perhaps for unwanted fears...
condemning, regretting, yet waiting
for the price after the tears.
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poem by Jessel Jane Tevar
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Canvas
I painted all my life...
just to be praised by the world.
Till you came - like the heat of the flame,
you stayed with me to hold.
My brush had a little more strength,
when i saw your heavenly smile.
Oh, how i wanted to steal those moments away...
and paint them all for awhile.
My heart had a little more art...
when I saw your gracious curves.
Oh, how i wanted to immortalize your eyes,
that speaks to me like a dove.
But the world still kept his praises away...
till i almost gave it up.
But then you gave me courage
and you always filled me up.
And then the world took you away from me-
till my soul has slowly died.
I stole your memories away...
and painted you by night.
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poem by Jessel Jane Tevar
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I Can No Longer Live For you
I spent my life loving you-
not someone like you, but YOU;
not a part of you, but YOU.
I spent my life knowing you,
hearing your heartbeat, painting your smile;
memorizing your thoughts, reading your eyes.
You thought that if you wear a mask,
I wouldn't know at all.
But then I do, coz all my life
I did nothing but living for you.
It's not your face that matters at all,
I can always see your soul.
You might not tell me if youre there
but I can feel your shadows.
It's not your voice that matters at all,
I can always hear your heart.
I can recognize your footsteps,
I can read what's on your mind.
You know that I would sense the truth,
you know that i would feel it.
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poem by Jessel Jane Tevar
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Princess of the Stars
(To M/V Princess of the Stars, swallowed by the waters with hundred people within it last June23,2008, Philippines)
You sailed as stars hid through shadows of the night.
Never did you think in your wildest dream
a silhouette of a fight.
Your knights would have been there with you
but you moved on all alone-
yet, a hundred souls lay silent
deep within your womb.
The wind, harsh and angry slapped your very face;
enormous waves pushed you all away.
Why did you choose that crucial way?
Where are your stars, have they betrayed thy grace,
ne'r watching at you as Frank destroyed thy face?
Your highness what thou hast done
to your water friend or your self alone...
why does the wave in its outrage
took you from this earthly stage?
Why does the wind in its loudest cry
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poem by Jessel Jane Tevar
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Finding Graves No More
Silence was uneasy for a moment
for my soul was deranged.
Harrowed up to the greatest degree
I was racked with eternal torment.
In my heart, a silhouette of death I see;
blinding darkness carried me
to the grave which I have dug for me.
No candles, no flowers... just darkness,
mere darkness where shadows were
suppressed and quietude - a stranger;
for despite the stillness of silence
was the mourning of my soul...
that brought me to the brim of sorrow.
It was in my cold and silent grave that I wept
and shed the tears that drenched
my heart that once was brave.
Harrowed up with the memories of my sins
I dug and dug, so as to find
those sins that I buried long ago
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poem by Jessel Jane Tevar
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