Why

You say you like me to everyone else
but when im around its as if that feeling melts
why can't you just tell me how you really feel
it won't hurt if you don't, just as long as your real
when your around your friends you ignore me
I feel like i disappear
this i can't take
I thought i liked you but im about to break
this is why i don't fall in love
this is why im a flightless dove
every time i find someone i like im ripped apart limb by limb
i let it happen time and time again
i am depressed from deep within
i don't even try anymore
because im always shoved on the floor
along with the pitiful remaints of my heart
im here crying and bleeding away my pain in the dark
why does everyone have to lie to me
what every happened to the thing called honesty
right now id rather die

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poem by Jean Pullman
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What Will I be

If I die who will remember me?
Will you shove aside my memory?
Will you deny my friendship?
Or will you feel a great deal of hardship?
Will my death cause you pain?
Or will you wash me away with the rain?

Chorus
I don't know what will become of me.
Will i be remebered for eternity?
Will my life feel like a shadow on a sunny day?
Will you just throw me away?

I feel like I might die soon.
Will you care? Probably not I presume.
Get your speach ready for my funeral.
Or will you not go and find something better to do?

Chorus
I don't know what will become of me.

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poem by Jean Pullman
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Anxiety

i hold the pillow tight against my face to silence the tears
i look into my mind releasing my darkest fears
my chest starts to hurt and my head throbs
my tears start to turn into violent sobs
i think of my father which makes things worse
my putrid life i start to curse
im going into blackness never to return
now my chest is starting to burn
i hear no one just my violent breath
i hear my heart beat quicken inside my chest
im reaching out for you but your not there
i want to see your face and feel your hair
i cant take life without you its hurts so bad
i am a lowlife child without a dad
im the one who deserves to be six feet under
my body collapse while my soul begins to plunder
i hate myself more each day
i feel nothing but never ending pain
please come back just for a minute or two
please daddy i need you

poem by Jean Pullman
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Invisible

Invisible
By: Jean Pullman

Why don’t you look at me
What will it take for you notice me
I try to be myself to you I am real
I tell you how I feel
But still.

CHORUS
You won’t look my way
I die slowly every day
You don’t notice my hair
You don’t like what I wear
It’s as if I am invisible
Because you just don’t see my visual.

I start to wonder why
I think I might even cry
Because you can’t see

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poem by Jean Pullman
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I Love You Doesn't Even Begin To Cover It

I love you more with every day were together
No one could replace you not now not ever
You held me when i was in my darkest place
You wiped the cold blue tears from my face
When you hold my hand joy fills my heart
From you i won't ever part
I was a witch yet you stayed
I know that i will change
I won't harm you with words
For i couldn't exist without you in my world
When we kiss the world around me starts to spin
When we make love i scream with pleasure from within
When you caress me i tremble and shake
When you say i love you it hits me like an earthquake
You are the best choice I've made thus far
I know you love me know matter where you are
I always love you until the day i die
You bring me so much happiness i could cry
I love you baby and thats all i need
I know i can do anything when you say you love me

poem by Jean Pullman
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Nothing left to lose

I have nothing left to lose so why not just end it
No one will care so it wouldn't be senseless
I have no one to love or to love me
I rarely ever am happy
I can't breathe when I think of you
I am slowyling turning blue
the oxygen is being cut off
because your memory I can't get rid of
I have nothing or no one
So my life should be done
I am nothing special I am just wrong
I am never going find anyone
I sit here and wait for mr.right to walk in my door
But still nothing but a hopeless blur
why do i stay alive
When i live nothing but a repulsive life
I hate myself because i was taught to
I can't even have a chance with the person i love, you
You say i can find better but i know its not true
Because to me no ones better than you

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poem by Jean Pullman
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Without You Here

This pain runs so deep
I think of you and start to weep
At night I get restless sleep
Wishing that you'd just forgive me
I look at the pills and wonder if it'd be easier to die and forget your memory
This pain is taking hold of me
I feel the tears roll down my face and feel like such a disgrace
I want to hold your hand
Help me up for I can't stand
I love you and cringe at the thought of you with another
I want to be your only lover
Please take this pain away
I can't take it here another day
Wondering if I ever cross your mind
I know your always on mine
I know in my heart that your the one
In this life I'm lost without you and its hard to go on
I wait for your call
But don't hear from you at all
I look to the sky

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poem by Jean Pullman
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Hating myself for hurting you

I hurt you and I regret it with every breath i take
From what I did my spirit and heart break
I cry from the pain I caused you
I got drunk and did something I didn't want to
I lost one of the best things in life I've stumbled upon
Now I am left with nothing but pain to reside on
I am sorry and hope you can forgive me
For without you I will not be able to be happy
I wish I wasn't so stupid and could take back what I did
My hands tremble and my mind wanders into thoughts of death
I don't if I can make it through this
Something I caused by my pure stupidness
I look in the mirror and only see hurt and regret
I feel as though there is nothing left
I will do anything to be back in your arms
I want to be surrounded by your warmth
I cry and know the tears wont stop as long as you are gone
I hate myself for what I did knowing it was morally wrong

poem by Jean Pullman
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Letting go of the bad and showing the world who i am

I am tired of feeling hurt
I am tired of feeling used
I am tired of feeling unworth
I am letting go of you
I am letting go of pain
I am letting go of shame
I am letting go of darkness
I am letting go of bitterness
I am letting go of all the bad and only waiting for the good
I am taking in the light and coming out from underneath my hood
I will show the world my eyes and my smile
I am showing the world My laughter and ability to be wild
I am showing the world its wrong and that I will go on
I am showing the world I am in control
I am showing the world all the things i'm letting go
I am showing the world my joy and my tears
I am showing the world my screams and my fears
I am showing the world who i am and where I've been
I am showing the world all that i can
I will show the world who i am inside and out

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poem by Jean Pullman
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Being With You The Song

I never thought i could be happy
that was until you held me
Ive been broken brusied and battered
My heart was nothing but shattered
I was lost in the dark when you arrived
I cried all the tears that i could cry
and then you showed me
That i could finally feel free
that i could actually be happy
That i could be safe and warm
Right here inside you arms
Oh cant you see
what you've done to me

(Chorus)
being with you
keeps me alive
being with you
Brings light into my life
being with you

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poem by Jean Pullman
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