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Jay Leno

Politics is just show business for ugly people.

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You can't stay mad at somebody who makes you laugh.

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You're not famous until my mother has heard of you.

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If God had wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates.

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Today is Valentine's Day - or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day!

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You know what they should call this war - Son of Bush vs. Son of a Bitch.

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When we started this show, my hair was black and the president was white.

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You cannot be mad at somebody who makes you laugh - it's as simple as that.

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If God doesn't destroy Hollywood Boulevard, he owes Sodom and Gomorrah an apology.

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Don't forget Mother's Day. Or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dad's Third Wife Day.

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Jay Leno
Jay Leno