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Gracie Allen

The President of today is just the postage stamp of tomorrow.

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When I was born I was so surprised I didn't talk for a year and a half.

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This used to be a government of checks and balances. Now it's all checks and no balances.

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When my mother had to get dinner for 8 she'd just make enough for 16 and only serve half.

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Brains, integrity, and force may be all very well, but what you need today is Charm. Go ahead and work on your economic programs if you want to, I'll develop my radio personality.

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The masses demand a fighting President, and that means you've got to offend somebody, because the way I see it, a strong offense is the best attack. So what can you offend? That's an easy one. Offend the other candidates, because they'll be too busy talking to hear you, and besides, they might not vote for you anyway.

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A platform is something a candidate stands for and the voters fall for. … I’m having my platform run up by a movie set designer, so it will be very impressive from the front, but not too permanent. After all, there’s no sense putting a lot of time and thought into something you’ll have no use for after you’re elected.

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