I can't understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.

quote by Fred Allen
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During the Samuel Johnson days they had big men enjoying small talk; today we have small men enjoying big talk.

quote by Fred Allen
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A conference is a gathering of people who singly can do nothing, but together can decide that nothing can be done.

quote by Fred Allen
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Some movie stars wear their sunglasses even in church. They're afraid God might recognize them and ask for autographs.

quote by Fred Allen
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A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.

quote by Fred Allen
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A conference is a gathering of important people who singly can do nothing, but together can decide that nothing can be done.

quote by Fred Allen
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Most of us spend the first six days of each week sowing wild oats; then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure.

quote by Fred Allen
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The vice-president of an advertising agency is a bit of executive fungus that forms on a desk that has been exposed to conference.

quote by Fred Allen
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A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing, but who, as a group, can meet and decide that nothing can be done.

quote by Fred Allen
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A celebrity is a person who works hard all of their life to become well known, and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.

quote by Fred Allen
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