4. A Merry Christmas
Gone shopping for good brandy butter
My homemade plum puddings in need
I don’t want a tin of rum sauce mix
It just wouldn’t do no indeed
Last night’s Christmas Eve rush was crazy
The shop had none left on the shelf
So I bought half a pound of best butter
To mix up with brandy myself
My mixer took brandy and butter
It churned the lot up to a paste
I drank what was left of the brandy
As I don’t like things going to waste
Everyone had a good dinner
With plenty of wine, port and sherry
But no one got fresh brandy butter
We all fell about slightly merry
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poem by David Threadgold (2008)
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4. Its Crackers
Twenty four gold Christmas crackers
Wrapped with a pretty red bow
Placed on the table for Christmas
To brighten things up don’t you know
All guests get seated together
With comments on such a fine spread
But should they pull crackers to start with
Or leave them till later instead
The children decide for the grown ups
Each one grabs a cracker and pull
Wide eyed they wait for the winners
But crackers were empty not full
Not one single comical riddle
A cheap plastic toy or crepe crown
All twenty four gold Christmas crackers
Left all of my guests with a frown
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poem by David Threadgold (2008)
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4. Ex Christmas Dinner
On a cold winters night before Christmas
By the fire sat a farmer with dog
He dreamed of his plump Christmas turkey
He saw in the flames from a log
Outside now the snow started falling
A strong north wind started to howl
Toasting his toes by the fireside
When sheepdog decided to growl
The farmer knew this could mean trouble
So putting on boots had begun
Old Bess wouldn’t growl just for nothing
He picked up his trusty shotgun
His chickens were all going crazy
A fox had got into the shed
And eaten his plump turkey dinner
His dreams became plain jam and bread
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poem by David Threadgold (2008)
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5. Breakfast with Eagles
Tall mountains in a morning mist
Where snow fits like a cap
Craggy rocks hold icicles
That thaw before they snap
An eerie roost stood empty
Its owners both took flight
Out on a hunting party
After resting through the night
The warm air from the thermals
Gave wind beneath their wings
It lifts them higher easily
They swirl around in rings
Their eyes forever searching
A head kept fully still
Watching for a movement
To make their next big kill
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poem by David Threadgold (2008)
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5. Party Time
I remember my first party
A Christmas one at school
I remember it was winter
The weather was so cool
I remember taking sandwiches
Just as our teacher said
I remember we had quite a lot
Potted beef in thick white bread
I remember we all stuck our names
On our cutlery and pots
I remember many different cakes
And jellies there were lots
I remember we made trimmings
Sort of sticky coloured chain
I remember they kept coming down
So we stuck them up again
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poem by David Threadgold (2008)
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4. Well Rattled
The cowboys all dug a large pit
Around which some boulders did fit
Then piled up the wood which lit
To keep the cold out where they sit
One went to fetch some more wood
His trail boss said he thought he should
A nice dry pile that looked real good
Where snakes liked hide if they could
The wind got up spooking the cattle
It hid the slight sound of a rattle
From wood came the snake to do battle
And all the cowhand did was prattle
Vexed the snake started to slide
The cowhands fear he could'nt hide
He stood there with legs open wide
And now the poor cowboy can't ride
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poem by David Threadgold (2008)
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5. Chocolate
Chocolate made of yummy stuff
We taste it with delight
The more we eat the more we want
Some say this isn’t right
Chocolate looks so harmless
A smart smooth creamy block
With lots of little chunks to eat
All gone well that’s a shock
Chocolate does melt quickly
It runs between your fingers
Until you lick it all away
No fear it never lingers
Chocolate tries to temp us
In its many coloured pack
It tries to cause addiction
Being sure that we go back
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poem by David Threadgold (2008)
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5. Our Chippy
I remember our old chippy
Coal fired pans of stainless steel
I remember how the owners son
Would shovel tatty peel
I remember Thursday dinners
Fetching dad his fish and six
I remember watching fryers
Dip their cod in batter mix
I remember how it sizzled
As they dropped it in the fat
I remember that they always wore
A grubby white peaked cap
I remember lots of water
And the sound of running taps
I remember always asking them
To put on loads of scraps
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poem by David Threadgold (2008)
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5. In Pain
In pain I wonder why it is
That I should feel this way
In pain I sleep so rarely now
My nights turn into day
In pain I try to think of things
To help me ease this pain
In pain I practice memory games
But there it’s gone again
In pain I cannot reach for things
Do tasks I want to do
In pain I do not bend a lot
And can’t put on my shoe
In pain I look at what I was
Before I had this trouble
In pain I stop reflecting back
It only makes pain double
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poem by David Threadgold (2008)
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5. Rotten Perks
A porkpie and a pickled egg
Left in a buffet car
The porkpie was in plastic wrap
Whilst egg was in a jar
They’d travelled down from London
Today they’d been in York
The egg had drank its vinegar
And pie was lacking pork
Egg nearly sold last Monday
But a diner said it stunk
The waiter threw it back in jar
Where it got a little drunk
Porkpie sat in sunshine
Soaked up the nice hot rays
As furry green things ate his crust
For more than last ten days
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poem by David Threadgold (2008)
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