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Calvin Trillin

Health food makes me sick.

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The shelf life of the average trade book is somewhere between milk and yogurt.

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If law school is so hard to get through... how come there are so many lawyers?

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Anybody caught selling macrame in public should be dyed a natural color and hung out to dry.

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I never eat in a restaurant that's over a hundred feet off the ground and won't stand still.

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As far as I'm concerned, ""whom"" is a word that was invented to make everyone sound like a butler.

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Math was always my bad subject. I couldn't convince my teachers that many of my answers were meant ironically.

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I never did very well in math - I could never seem to persuade the teacher that I hadn't meant my answers literally.

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Marriage is not merely sharing the fettucini, but sharing the burden of finding the fettucini restaurant in the first place.

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The food in such places is so tasteless because the members associate spices and garlic with just the sort of people they're trying to keep out.

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